die welt ist fort, ich muss dich tragen

and i miss you.

gidilebilse, ne çok iz kalıyor geride.
“belki zaman”, diye düşünüyor adam:
“zaman eksiltebilir birikeni”. oysa ne
zaman, ne de ona benzer şeyler – ona
benzer şeyler? – silebiliyor mekâna
sinenleri. eşyalar değiştirilse de, yeni
badana yaptırılsa da değişmiyor ağrının
kurduğu sıra : değişmiyor çünkü sokak
adları, değişmiyor şehirler ve insanlar,
dünden bugüne inatla yürüyen inatçı
mantık. her mevsim, her dolunay,
yağmurlar, bahar aldatmacaları,
her kuyu, her kule, her balkon,
kadehler, mumlar, köpükler,
her kırmızı, her siyah, her gri,
her uyku, her düş, her uyanış,
– yer etmişse – aynı çiviyi isteyen
bir delikte tıpatıp zonkluyor.
“zaman da değil”, diyor adam,
kimse yokken, yüksek sesle.
yeni bir iz kalıyor orada, o an.
e.b.

-Didn't you read the Lord of the Rings in high school?
-No, I had sex in high school.

At One O'Clock in the Morning.
Alone, at last! Not a sound to be heard but the rumbling of some belated and decrepit cabs. For a few hours we shall have silence, if not repose. At last the tyranny of the human face has disappeared, and I myself shall be the only cause of my sufferings. At last, then, I am allowed to refresh myself in a bath of darkness! First of all, a double turn of the lock. It seems to me that this twist of the key will increase my solitude and fortify the barricades which at this instant separate me from the world. Horrible life! Horrible town! Let us recapitulate the day: seen several men of letters, one of whom asked me whether one could go to Russia by a land route (no doubt he took Russia to be an island); disputed generously with the editor of a review, who, to each of my objections, replied: 'We represent the cause of decent people,' which implies that all the other newspapers are edited by scoundrels; greeted some twenty persons, with fifteen of whom I am not acquainted; distributed handshakes in the same proportion, and this without having taken the precaution of buying gloves; to kill time, during a shower, went to see an acrobat, who asked me to design for her the costume of a Venustra; paid court to the director of a theatre, who, while dismissing me, said to me: 'Perhaps you would do well to apply to Z------; he is the clumsiest, the stupidest and the most celebrated of my authors; together with him, perhaps, you would get somewhere. Go to see him, and after that we'll see;' boasted (why?) of several vile actions which I have never committed, and faint-heartedly denied some other misdeeds which I accomplished with joy, an error of bravado, an offence against human respect; refused a friend an easy service, and gave a written recommendation to a perfect clown; oh, isn't that enough? Discontented with everyone and discontented with myself, I would gladly redeem myself and elate myself a little in the silence and solitude of night. Souls of those I have loved, souls of those I have sung, strengthen me, support me, rid me of lies and the corrupting vapours of the world; and you, O Lord God, grant me the grace to produce a few good verses, which shall prove to myself that I am not the lowest of men, that I am not inferior to those whom I despise.
Charles Baudelaire

Frankie: I never know when you're playing games or being serious.
Johnny: It's both. Serious games. Why do we have to name everything?

kendi çukurunu bulmuş deniz gibiyim

lost hayatı yaşıyorum

gidip de dönmemek
dönüp de görmemek.

herkesi öpesim var

geldim, terliyorum.

duygu, biraz duygu,
çok deniz, az uyku.
döndüm, ama döneceğim yer orası.