In one way or another i've always suffered, i don't know why exactly.
But i do know that i'm not so scared of suffering now.
I feel more than i have ever felt and i have found someone to feel with, to play with, to love, in a way that feels right for me.
I hope he knows that i can see that he suffers too.
And that i want to love him.

everytime we say goodbye, i die a little,
everytime we say goodbye, i wonder why a little,
why the gods above me, who must be in the know.
think so little of me, they allow you to go.
when you're near, there's such an air of spring about it,
i can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it,
there's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to minor,
everytime we say goodbye.

I am blind to myself. And it's what I will see, no, I won't see it. It's for others to see.
d.

You wish to be liked. I wish simply to be.
One day you will know what that means, perhaps. And you will smile.
Not aganist me. But with me.

m.c.

anlamak çözmeye yetmez.

and found

does my being lost make you a loser?

nesli sona eren bir duygu türü.

watch the sun
see it rise and fall
waiting for something to change
i get through the day
hope to turn things around
seems like
i'm falling out of love

when the music's over

bana verdiği her şey için benden bir şey aldı
alacak verecek kalmadı.

yanımda durmuş ağlıyordu; öyle yapayalnızdık karanlıkta,
tutup yatıştırmaya çalıştığımda boğuluyormuşçasına sarıldı bana
ve ağzımın üstüne kapattı ağzını birden.

şa.

Why did I dream of you last night?
Now morning is pushing back hair with grey light
Memories strike home, like slaps in the face;
Raised on elbow, I stare at the pale fogbeyond the window.
So many things I had thought forgotten
Return to my mind with stranger pain:
--Like letters that arrive addressed to someone
Who left the house so many years ago.

pl.

l'amour physique est sans issue.

zaman = yol / hız

Umut kötülüklerin en kötüsüdür, çünkü işkenceyi uzatır.
Nietzsche

there is no violence in your love.

in a dream i saw you walking, like a kid alive and talking, that was you.
in the classroom you were teaching, on the streets you were policing, that was you.
to the one i now know most, i will tell them of your ghost like a thing, that never, ever was.

and all that ever mattered , will some day turn back to batter, like a joke.
behind thin walls you hid your feelings, take four legs to make a ceiling, like a thing.

in a dream i saw you walking, with your friends alive and talking, that was you.
well i saw it in your movement, and even though you never knew it,
well, i knew, just how sweet it could be.

if you'd never left these streets. you had me worried! so worried, that this would last...
but now i'm learning, learning that this will pass...

sıkıldım,
gidiyorum.

biz size aşık olduk

merci la vie

olmuyor, olmuyor.

hey, been trying to meet you.
hey must be a devil between us
or whores in my head,
whores at the door,
whore in my bed
but hey where have you been?
if you go i will surely die,
we're chained
uh said the man to the lady
uh said the lady to the man she adored
and the whores like a choir
go uh all night
and mary aint you tired of this
uh is the sound
that the mother makes and when the baby breaks
we're chained.

daha iyi we're chained dendiğini duymadım.

simplicity is the most difficult.

that's the story of my life.

morrissey geldiğinde beni görürse sanki tanıyacakmış gibi geliyor.

Love again: wanking at ten past three
(Surely he's taken her home by now?),
The bedroom hot as a bakery,
The drink gone dead, without showing how
To meet tomorrow, and afterwards,
And the usual pain, like dysentery.
Someone else feeling her breasts and cunt,
Someone else drowned in that lash-wide stare,
And me supposed to be ignorant,
Or find it funny, or not to care,
Even ... but why put it into words?
Isolate rather this element
That spreads through other lives like a tree
And sways them on in a sort of sense
And say why it never worked for me.
Something to do with violence
A long way back, and wrong rewards,
And arrogant eternity.

philip larkin

wanna get lost